[CyberTOPS] reFOCUS - Issue 3 - 2009 (Rays of Hope)

Wed Feb 4 06:31:31 CST 2009

To the readers of reFOCUS, some of you have been reading them since 2000, I
thank you from the bottom of my heart.  You have been my friends through
thick and thin (deep dish and regular).  This reFOCUS is a little different,
may not be entirely appropriate, but if it helps one person get off their
duff, get healthier, heal their relationships, then I do not apologize.  I
have learned some very tough lessons this week since my brother Ray died,
but I have learned.  I believe it is never too late to change (except
perhaps in the case of my cooking and housekeeping skills).  

"Lessons Learned - Rays of Hope"

1.	There are no do-overs - do it today (eat right, exercise, drink your
water, journal, work towards your goals)
2.	The past can't be made right, but the future can be (I can no longer
be a better sister to Ray, but I can be a better sister to Rob and Dot, a
better aunt to his four children, a better sister-in-law, a better daughter,
a better wife, a better mom, a better friend, a better person)
3.	Guilt - we all have it, you can and should get rid of it (playing
the "what if" or "if only" game is pointless and painful)
4.	Others perceive your family differently than you do (the church was
overflowing with people who thought better of my brother, knew a side of him
that I didn't know - no one should have loved him more than his family)
5.	You really don't know another person (or their struggles) until you
walk in their shoes (hearing my twin 20 year old nieces eulogize their dad
and tell stories was amazing)
6.	Show your family the side that you show the world; treat them as you
would treat your friends and strangers (I cut strangers and friends more
slack than I do my family)
7.	We ALL touch the lives of others and affect others in ways we don't
know (a huge fan of "It's A Wonderful Life" I have long believed this - for
as Clarence the Angel says to George "Strange, isn't it? Each man's life
touches so many other lives. When he isn't around he leaves an awful hole,
doesn't he?" - my brother has left a hole, a void) 
8.	We CAN all be better, do better - each day
9.	No longer will I ignore the elephant in the living room (what is he
doing in the living room anyway?) - my family has a tendency to not talk
about things (example - some of my Aunts don't speak and I guarantee not one
of them can really tell you a valid reason why); no longer will I leave
things unsaid - if I had been more forceful than perhaps he would have
worked at taking the weight off, which in turn would have improved the
quality of his life; I will work to make things right
10.	Love doesn't heal right away, but it does heal - there was so very
much support from my TOPS friends, my work, my mom's church and afterwards
and amazing things 

a.	People came from all over, some we hadn't seen in 20 years
b.	Ray's family is poor and there is a hospital bill from a couple of
months ago that the hospital will not forgive.  My mom was mentioning it to
someone else and another person overheard it and offered to pay it.

11.	Make sure that the people you love and care about know it - (my
brother only wanted to be loved and would have been blown away by the number
of people who spoke so highly of him and who came)
12.	Pay it forward, because you can't pay it backwards
13.	Be there for others, because it is the right thing to do
14.	Do the right thing 
15.	Do the things that are important to you now 
16.	Don't forget to dream
17.	Don't sweat the small stuff
18.	Keep your connections, work on your connections, because in the end
it is your friends and family that matter

HOW TO BE HAPPY

Dr. Pelizza (IRD 2007) spoke about how his Aunt taught him the five things
to being happy - I have hit the replay button on this CD a whole lot this
week

1.	Work hard (work is good)
2.	Save some
3.	Spend some (on fun)
4.	Do something for others (because when you are hurting, the best way
to stop hurting is to reach out and help someone else)
5.	Spend time, have fun and surround yourself with those you generally
love (which is why I attend my TOPS meetings)

So, my friends, my brother was a success because (again from the move "It's
A Wonderful Life" - my brother's nickname was "Mr. Video" so he would have
approved of the quotes) - "Dear George, remember no man is a failure who has
friends. Thanks for the wings, Love Clarence." 

FUN

A happy note - my neighbors are great people and great neighbors and over
the years we have played fun things on them and they on us.  They are
remodeling their bathroom and have had a toilet sitting outside their house
for a couple of weeks.  I got a large refrigerator box and am making them an
outhouse to go over it.H&G Johns (for Hillary and George) by Clark
Construction.  Jackson suggested putting the sign "occupied" on it.  Doing
this "fun" thing will help me happy. (hope I remember to remove Hillary from
the reFOCUS list until after the outhouse is in place - LOL)

PROGRESS REPORT (removed for cyberTOPS - if you want it just email me)

I am also attaching my latest form to help me get to goal and to hold me
accountable - hope it helps you!  

CHAIN OF SUCCESS

Newest idea came about after someone expressed a fear of snakes (even paper
ones made her freaky) - we were make 10 segment snakes, using them to
indicate pounds and for each pound you lost, you cut one off until you had
to use another snake - shedding your pounds.  

Think Christmas paper chains.  They can be used many different ways
(personalized to help you):

1.	Rewards (run them through your computer with rewards on them, cut
into strips and make papers chains) - each day you succeed in doing your
food diary, drinking your water, eating appropriately, etc., you get to cut
off a reward and see what you get
2.	Cut off a ring for each thing you accomplish on your goal list for
that day or that week or that month
3.	For each pound lost you could cut off a ring
4.	For each pound lost you could add a ring 

Just a visual to help - knowing me I'll soon have chains of brightly colored
paper all over my house!!

So if I am a little mushy, if I squeeze you a little tighter, if I tell you
too often how much you mean to me, please forgive me.

Forbidden Food - Potato chips (great on Super Bowl weekend), Challenge -
drink your water

You are not alone, 

CULitr, CU at Goal, CU at KOPS, Marji 

Not a TOPS sponsored or sanctioned newsletter.

Books and resources that have helped me:

Body Clutter and Sink Reflections (2 different books - Marla Cilley -
www.flylady.net) - my clutter is related to my weight struggle

The Solution by Laurel Mellin (first read in 1999)

Life is Hard, Food is Easy by Linda Spangle

100 Days of Weight Loss by Linda Spangle

Mindless Eating by Brian Wansink, Ph.D

Outsmarting the Midlife Fat Cell by Debra Waterhouse

 <http://www.pelizza.com/> www.pelizza.com 

Past issues of reFOCUS can be accessed on:   <http://www.topscares.com/>
www.topscares.com and  <http://www.tops123.com/StdTOPS/InspiredFocus.html>
http://www.tops123.com/StdTOPS/InspiredFocus.html 

Visit the Florida TOPS website at:

 <http://mysite.verizon.net/res1vhv6/floridatops/>
http://mysite.verizon.net/res1vhv6/floridatops/ 

Visit the NC TOPS website at:
<http://www.topsbouquet.org/NorthCarolina/index2.htm>
http://www.topsbouquet.org/NorthCarolina/index2.htm (Coach Laura)

Other Websites

 <http://www.topscares.com/> www.topsCARES.com - TOPS site for Delaware,
Virginia, West Virginia, Maryland/DC, New Jersey, Pennsylvania - all are
welcome to visit

 <http://www.tops123.com/> www.tops123.com - TOPS site for Illinois,
Missouri, Nebraska, North Dakota, South Dakota, Iowa - all are welcome to
visit

 <http://www.tops.org/> www.tops.org - Official TOPS website

 <http://www.cybertops.net/> www.cybertops.net - CyberTOPS -- Where Friends
Meet for a "Net Loss"!

www.sparkpeople.com

www.delmonte.com/solutions (has some good ideas and articles)

 <http://www.5aday.gov/> www.5aday.gov

 <http://www.smallsteps.gov/> www.smallsteps.gov

 <http://www.ediets.com/magazine/html/lifestyle>
www.ediets.com/magazine/html/lifestyle

 <http://www.dietbites.com/> www.dietbites.com

 <http://www.eatright.org/> www.eatright.org

 <http://www.hungrygirl.com/> www.hungrygirl.com

 <http://www.walgreens.com/> www.walgreens.com (look under healthy library,
under care guides)