[CyberTOPS] HI all

[Jean Junkin]

I have finally figured out with my husbands help that I am facing some huge
depression.  Our daughter left her husband because of abuse.  Not so much
physical as verbal and mental abuse.  I am sad that after 14 years this
marriage broke up.  It saddens me to think that Vicki and Tim are not a couple
any more.  We loved Tim like a son and it's hard to turn those feelings off
just like that.  I know that Vicki is better off on her own.  She's been on a
roller coaster ever since she left.  Mostly up, but some downs too.  She found
out her social security payment date was changed from the 3rd Wednesday of the
month until the 3rd of the month.  We expected her to get a check today.  No
they are skipping November and she won't get a check until December.  She gets
$565/month.  So that is all she has to pay her rent which is 30% of her
monthly income, her phone and pay for the rest of her food.  She gets some
food stamps but not enough to last all month long.

Howard and I had to help her to make it through the month.  Vicki is also very
very lonely.  Tim wouldn't let her have friends so she has no one but the
family.  I know she would like a girlfriend or two to just have a little time
with.  She's not interested in men at the moment.  To fresh into the
separation.  We used to have a divorcee's group, but no one would lead it so
they disbanded.  I asked her if she wanted to start one, but she's too shy
right at the moment.   It will take her time to get out of her shell.

I'm disgusted with myself for gaining 60 pounds back.  I went to get a winter
jacket and had to look for the next size larger.  That seemed like a slap in
the face.  I don't care if I cook right now, if I clean, do laundry, etc.  I
do have a cleaning person so the house is clean.

I see the doctor on Friday and will tell her all my feelings I'm feeling.  I
care because I don't care if that makes sense.  Please keep me in your
prayers.  Hugs Jean J.