[CyberTOPS] 10 Things to Do If You're Alone for the Holidays

[Charlotte W.]

10
Things to Do If Youre Alone for the Holidays

By Laurie
Stoneham

November 4, 2006


For a wide variety of reasons, many of us find ourselves alone for the
holidays. With the emphasis on families and being with others, the holidays
can
be an especially lonely and trying time, even for those of us who are usually
okay being on our own. But dont worry, there are many things you can do to
make the holidays a little less lonely when youre alone.

De-mythologize and
     adjust expectations. Elaine Rodino, Ph.D., a clinical
     psychologist in Santa Monica, Calif.,
     says there are so many categories of expectations about the season being
     just right that it brings up all sorts of issues relating to family,
     stress and anxiety, eating disorders, sobriety, self-esteem, competency

     the list goes on. Theres this idea that its supposed to be perfect,
and
     if its not, the person asks, Whats wrong with me? She adds that
     statistically, the number of traditional households in this country is
     not in the majority. Pick up the phone.
     Call friends and ask to be included in whatever theyre doing. Rodino
     suggests offering to bring a dish or seeing how you can contribute to
the
     gathering. She says most people love opening their homes and expanding
the
     celebration. It works for everyone. Be proactive.
     Create an alternative family made up of people whose company you
enjoy.
     Plan and prepare a potluck feast if you like. Remember that you are not
     alone in being alone during the holidays. Get together with others and
     have some fun. Plan an outing.
     Go on a hike, or go to the movies, a park or a museum. Enjoy the outing
     with your group or by yourself. Pamper yourself.
     Treat yourself to a day of beauty at a spa, get a massage or find some
     other special way to luxuriate. Do whatever you enjoy doing. Reach out..
     Build bridges the rest of the year, and cross them during the
holidays,
     said Craig Ellison, Ph.D., author of Saying
     Goodbye to Loneliness and Finding Intimacy. If you cant be with
     family or loved ones during this time of the year, send them letters or
     e-mails or call them  in other words, reach out to them. Remember your
bonds
     and blessings. Pull out photo albums and read old letters. While
     this may be bittersweet, Ellison says its not toxic. If possible, get
     on the phone and talk with loved ones who are still living. Help others.
     Volunteering at a mission or shelter for the homeless will help you feel
     connected. Ellison suggests that you participate in activities with this
     organization at other times of the year, not just on one day of the
year.
     This will make the experience more fulfilling. Rodino says volunteering
at
     a soup kitchen gives you a healthy perspective. Theres nothing like
that
     for slapping you back to realizing how well you are, Rodino noted.
Travel. If
     you have the finances, get away for a few days. Go skiing or take a
     tropical holiday. Singles groups often have tour groups during the
     holidays. Rodino says this gets you out of the traditional holiday
     mindset. Get through the day.
     If youre unable to do any of these things, Rodino tells her patients to
     just get through it. Read. Sleep. Rent a video. And remember, tomorrow
     itll all be over.

The holidays can be a lonely time, but that doesnt mean you have to feel
alone. Stay focused on acknowledging and meeting your needs, and
youll be surprised at how quickly the holidays are over.




Charlotte Wilson
Chapter Leader - TOPS MN #0414, Park Rapids
Area Captain - Becker, Beltrami, Cass, Hubbard, and Wadena Counties in
Minnesota
Park Rapids, MN 56470
www.topspride.org/Minnesota/CharlottesWeb.html
www.topspride.org/Minnesota/index.html
www.tops.org